Smoking Pigeon Sighted in Rogers Park

Autumn

2008-10-04T01:15:14Z

Skated to the health club today. I get a ridiculous charge out of figuring the best routes--smoothest, quietest side streets, best way to get down that hill without sticking a wheel in a chuckhole, passing through route bottlenecks smoothly and quickly.

Fall has set in here in Chicago. We gots 40+ degree nights and 60+ degree days. The sky is an incredible blue, when we can see it. I've been tantalized by crow sightings, a pair here, a trio there, always too far away to call to. Pretty soon, though, the winter crows will start trickling into town in batches of 16 and 25. Wonder what they'll say when they see the high school training fields all plowed up and (in some areas) resodded. Something pithy in Crow, no doubt.

One of the nicest aspects of this fall is that I'm remembering trudging to school during fabulous weather like this, and sighing. Now I can go skating, or drive up to the Botanical Gardens and walk through gorgeous landscapes, or hang out in a coffeeshop and write.

I didn't hate school but I didn't love it. It was a warehouse. I read novels behind my textbooks, and peeked out every five or ten minutes to see that the class, like a daytime drama, had inched one paragraph ahead, so I ducked back into my book-inside-a-book and zoned out. Sometimes a teacher would try to catch me out at that. I still had the answer for her. Because, hello, I'd seen in coming ten minutes ago.

I wonder if school is like that for any kids now. They say that college-bound kids are under "incredible pressure" to perform well, get excellent grades, have extra-curricular activities that make them look good on paper, blah blah. Starting in grade school.

On slowing down

2008-10-02T02:22:13Z

This is not something I do well. Many people urge me to slow down. Some I tell to jump in the lake. Some, I just look at them. I mean, you don't tell a woman my age to slow down. This is what women hear all our lives. We slow down so much, we come to a standstill, sometimes for years. That's not good. Some women forget to rev up again. And get bitter later.

There's another kind of slowing down, though, and that's the good kind. The "not chopping your thumb while cutting onions" slowing down. The "not getting into a vehicular accident" slowing down. And the "breathing autumn air and watching the leaves turn yellow against a killer-blue sky" slowing down.

That's my excuse today, anyway. I slowed down as I left Northbrook Court to look into the catchbasin at ducks, geese, and seagulls hanging out in the water far below. The prairie plants in the basin are so sere, it looks as though they did a burn there, but they didn't; it's just the parched grass and the dry-ripe Queen Anne's Lace stalks and flowerheads going darker and darker brown as summer dies.

When I got home I made a crock-pot soup with a couple of thick slices of beef shank--braised in hot bacon fat, then dumped in the pot with diced potato, yam, onion, and garlic--and lunched off boursin garlic cheese on apple slices, and a hunk of carnitas I bought at Rogers Park Fruit Market. They have wonderful meat there. Tastes extra-meaty somehow.

Then I watched "Bachelor Party" made sometime in the seventies, with all that baaad seventies hair and "Bachelor Party 2" made more recently. They perfectly complement one another. As a recent convert to the Judd Apatow school of entertainment about late-blooming stoners, I got off on the stupid male tricks, big time. Am I crazy? Will they cancel my bitch card if this gets out? The ancillary material to the second movie says that they were deliberately subverting the "what guys expect to see in a bachelor party movie" tropes. But I wonder. Will I be ruining it for everyone if I say this feels like a new, relaxed form of feminism for guys, with silicon breast implants to make it feel comfy?

I would have cut the bookend scenes making fun of the fat older black woman, however. Really.

Mindy Klasky, guest blogger

2008-10-01T12:04:14Z

Meet Mindy Klasky, guest blogger for today. The third book in her excellent Jane Madison series is out as of yesterday, tra la!

Mindy Klasky is the author of nine speculative fiction novels, including MAGIC AND THE MODERN GIRL, the third volume in the Jane Madison series, about a librarian who discovers that she's a witch. You can learn more about Mindy at her website - www.mindyklasky.com/- including reading chapters from each of her novels.

Available at Amazon: http://...com/4s6vw4

Available at Powell's: http://...com/4x79qr

(And available at most online and bricks-and-mortar bookstores near you!)

1. Why this book? What made you want to write this story?

I started writing the Jane Madison series because I wanted to play with a world that was light and fun, with a clearly defined supernatural influence. (I had just finished the dramatic, dark, magic-less Glasswrights Series, along with a trunked novel about a world-destroying conspiracy of evil-doers who torture children, murder scholars, and do other depressing dastardly deeds.)

Despite the lighter tone, Jane confronts some serious questions in the books - most often about the nature of friendship and family. MAGIC AND THE MODERN GIRL was specifically sparked by my interest in how friendships change over time, particularly as we get older and more settled, losing some of the angst that cements some ... younger relationships. I think that it's the perfect conclusion to the Jane Madison Series, wrapping up loose ends, while letting readers envision a future for their favorite series characters.

2. Which authors inspire you? Has that changed over time?

I have always enjoyed authors who build incredible characters, giving them realistic plots through which to navigate. Over time, my list of favorite authors has evolved to include more Young Adult authors (such as Justine Larbalestier and Scott Westerfeld.) I find myself veering away from authors who take political stances that I find distasteful, particularly when their politics stray into their storytelling. (Orson Scott Card? I'm looking at you!)

3. Why genre? Is there something special about science fiction or fantasy that draws you to write in the field?

I love the opportunity in genre to answer the "what if" questions. I could certainly write a searing indictment of contemporary culture, drawing on "ripped from the headlines" stories about spousal abuse, abandoned children, tortured prisoners, etc. I find it more intriguing, though, to structure my inquiries in speculative terms. Readers free themselves to think more broadly when the framework for their thoughts is patently impossible. Jane Madison readers can ask themselves about their relationships with their mothers, grandmothers, best friends, and romantic interests without needing to cut too close to the emotional bone. Readers are less defensive and more expansive when they are freed from the direct constraints of the real world.

4. What do you find most interesting about Jane Madison?

Jane is a bundle of contrasts and insecurities. Usually, she knows what she should be saying and/or doing; she just doesn't remember to state those words or take those actions in the immediacy of the moment. (Her judgment is even more impaired when the men of her dreams are around....) I enjoy structuring Jane's foibles - mostly because she is, at heart, an educated, eloquent, strong woman who acts in her own best interest and in the best interest of those around her. (That action becomes even more challenging in MAGIC, when Jane meets her true love, only to find that "the course of true love never did run smooth.")

5. You're a writer. What else are you? What are your interests? Hobbies?

I've been a lawyer and a librarian. I'm a wife, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. In between juggling all of the professional and familial hats, I am an avid reader, a cat-wrangler, a baker, a quilter, a movie-watcher, a Boston Red Sox fan, and a scrapbooker. (Basically, I can't just sit and watch TV; I need to have something in my hands. I get most of my quilting done during the World Series.)

6. Did you have to do any special research for this book? What did you need to know in order to write it that you didn't know before? Do you have some special preparation you do for writing?

For each of the Jane Madison books, I've conducted a lot of "spot" research, doing quick online searches for information about specific crystals, individual runes, and other magical paraphernalia. Jane and her best friend often quote Shakespeare, challenging each other to identify the play, act, and scene. I usually start out knowing the quotation, but I need to research the specific reference. MAGIC is heavily tied to Shakespeare's THE TEMPEST, so I re-read the play in preparation for writing this volume. I can't write without a live connection to the Internet (although I have to restrain myself from checking my email every twenty-seven seconds!) In the rare times that I've tried writing without an Internet connection, I leave myself cryptic notes (e.g., "Find Stomach Crystal.")

7. I see a lot of food, especially baking, in this book. Is that something that really interests you? Or is it more driven by the needs of the story?

I've always enjoyed baking, although I am almost always dieting. Creating the Cake Walk bakery gave me a chance to indulge my sweet tooth in low-caloric ways!

This fall, my baking interest is going to grow beyond the four corners of the Jane Madison series: I'm launching a charity calendar that will include some of the Cake Walk recipes, along with favorite recipes from a variety of paranormal, urban fantasy, and mystery authors. All profits will go to First Book, a charity with the mission of getting underprivileged children their first books to own. (Details will be posted on my website shortly!)

8. Jane's best friend, Melissa, goes on numerous disastrous first dates throughout the series. Do you have your own share of first date disasters to tell?

Every one of Melissa's horrific dates has a seed of truth in one of my own first dates. (In one horrific year, I went on 28 first dates - a record that convinced me that I was perfectly happy to live the rest of my life alone. A couple of years after swearing off dating, I logged on to match.com (in response to prompting from my concerned, married brother.) I reluctantly completed my dating profile, clicked on "match" and the first profile that came up belonged to the man I married 17 months later.)

9. What are you writing now?

I've started a new urban fantasy series, the As You Wish Series. The first volume, THERE'S THE RUB, will be in stores in October 2009. It's about a stage manager who discovers a magic lantern with a wish-granting genie inside. Alas, her wishes don't go precisely as she plans....

10. Anything else that we should know about you, your writing, and the Jane Madison Series?

In addition to selling the Cake Walk recipe calendar, I am raising money for First Book by auctioning off a stunning, handmade necklace-and-earring set inspired by the Jane Madison series. The glass jewelry was created by a prominent librarian and jewelry artist specifically for this First Book fund-raiser. Details (including pictures of the incredible themed jewelry) will be posted on my website on October 1; the auction will close on October 31.

Thanks for taking the time to ask these questions! I hope that people will stop by my website and/or email me any questions at mindy@mindyklasky.com.

=======================
Thanks for stopping by, Mindy!

Delicious summer

2008-09-26T04:31:30Z

Some pix at last offloaded from my phone. The flooding in Chicago didn't disturb us much--some water in the basement, but nothing unusual. The back yard was awash, however, so wie:

Here's one of the lovely meadows in the Lake County Forest Preserve District:

And an excellent tree I spotted in somebody's back yard on Russian Hill in San Francisco this summer. I think it's a sumac, but don't take that to the bank.

I have no idea if anybody gives a darn about these pictures, but I love my phone camera. I love being able to grab an image anytime. The pix also do not suck, as pix go, considering my photography skills and the level of the technology.

If I can figure out how to upload a sound file, I'll give you a recording of sea lions on Fisherman's Wharf in SFO. Can I do that if I don't have the sexy, expensive version of LJ? If I do?

Last appearance of 2008! be there or be a rectangular thing!

2008-09-26T03:34:17Z

Yet another quickie Jennifer Stevenson’s Newsletter…

On Saturday, October 4, I’ll be appearing at an Author Fair:

Saturday October 4

11am—3pm

Joliet Public Library

Black Road Branch

3395 Black Road

Joliet IL 60436

Free admission! Free parking! Free raffle tix for prize baskets!

Check the library’s website for more details, including special events and the list of all fifty attending authors and their home sites. This Author Fest is co-hosted by Joliet Public Library, Plainfield Public Library,Shorewood Public Library, and Des Plaines Valley Public Library District.

Get your copies of The Brass Bed, The Velvet Chair, and The Bearskin Rug signed on the spot, and I’ll throw in chocolate.

Quote for the day:

“Where have all the brainless horndogs gone?”

-Jewel Heiss, The Velvet Chair

Ook ook! New book!

2008-09-24T13:19:05Z

Just got a copy of AN EVIL GUEST *signed by the author* ook ook! Started reading it in the car on the way home from brunch. Gene Wolfe! New book! Oook!

Synopsis Project II: evil stepchild of The Synopsis Project

2008-09-19T03:53:25Z

SYNOPSIS for THE ATTRACTION MACHINKUS (a.k.a. THE VENUS MACHINE a.k.a. THE VELVET CHAIR)
by Jennifer Stevenson

BACKSTORY
Ex-con-man turned fraud cop Clay hears from his stepmother, Griffy, that his father is being vamped by a golddigger. Knowing he has no influence with his father, Clay hires Lucinda, a professional matchbreaker whom he knows by reputation. He advises her that his father loves antiques related to famous cons. Lucinda's cover is to try to sell Virgil the Attraction Machinkus, whose maker claimed it could make anyone irresistible. The golddigger, Sovay, recognizes Lucinda as the matchbreaker and vows to defeat her.

THE STORY:
Fraud cop Jewel has great sex with her lover Randy, a former sex demon, but she complains that Randy, himself promiscuous, wants Jewel faithful and handy to rescue him from magical imprisonment.

Sovay daringly calls the fraud squad, claiming that a matchbreaker is selling her boyfriend fake antiques. The boss smells a weirdo. This case is for Jewel and her partner Clay, who is half in love with Jewel.

The criminal records show that Sovay is probably a golddigger. The matchbreaker was once married to a notorious criminal who was never caught. Virgil looks clean. Only Clay knows Virgil is a retired master con-artist. Clay is sweating. He never dreamed this situation would haunt him at work.

Privately, Clay phones his father, asking permission to investigate Lucinda. Virgil agrees to conceal their blood relationship, but criticizes Clay for being a lousy con artist. He thinks Clay will learn something watching Lucinda.

Clay volunteers to pose as a credulous historian interested in antiques. He'll try to get close to Lucinda. Randy can get Sovay in bed and read her mind by magic. Jewel hates this idea. Randy says Sovay looks hot.

Next day Jewel and Randy visit Virgil, warning that a criminal is in his house: Clay, an antiques burglar who works the inside stand. Virgil, tickled by the tortuosity of the situation, invites them to be his guests so they can watch Clay.

Lucinda and Clay do rival flim flam riffs over the antique machinkus, which supposedly makes on irresistably attractive. They try it on Jewel, reluctant guinea pig. It works!

At first Jewel loves it. The men are all over her. Randy is jealous. Sovay is jealous, too.

To teach Randy a lesson, Jewel lets Clay seduce her. Then she finds she can't turn it off. Every guy on the street is after her. Lucinda reverses the machinkus and Jewel is cured.

Lucinda convinces Griffy to try the machinkus next, so she can compete with Sovay for Virgil. Now that she's irresistible, Griffy almost seduces Randy. Virgil is finally shaken.

Jewel is really mad at Randy. Clay gets her into bed again.

Sovay decides to secretly try the machinkus. But Lucinda "suggests" a possible boobytrap outcome. The machinkus works on suggestible Sovay--but every word out of her mouth turns into a snake, a beetle, or a toad. Sovay has to stay silent for the next two days.

Randy now sleeps with a silent Sovay to make Jewel jealous. Jewel hits the roof. Randy vanishes, teleports into a bed somewhere in the house, and is trapped.

Jewel seeks Clay's help in searching the house for Randy's prison. Clay admits to Jewel that Virgil is his father. He stands guard so Jewel can lie on each bed in turn and summon Randy. Jewel finds him in Sovay's bed. Clay finds Sovay has six checkbooks, all in different names, ane he steals one check from each. They are interrupted. Jewel must abandon Randy's rescue.

Clay reveals to Lucinda that he is her client. He asks her how to break up Randy and Jewel. Lucinda questions him closely about his relationships. Clay tells her, Griffy is like a mother to me. Though he wants Jewel, Clay is miserable. He realizes he can't bring himself to break up Randy and Jewel.

Griffy's tactic works, and Virgil snaps. Griffy and Virgil have a loud argument.

Sovay is frantic--her window of opportunity is open but she can't speak! Her secret is comes out when they discover the machinkus been smashed under its cloth cover. Despairing, Savoy screams, "You can't leave me like this!" and snakes, toads, and beetles fly out of her mouth. Virgil cries, Out of my house! Lucinda promises to reverse Sovay's condition if they can fix the machinkus. This seems impossible.

Clay confronts Virgil, demands that he give up Sovay for Griffy's sake. Virgil is astonished at his son's backbone. He tells Clay the truth: Virgil has been conning Sovay while she thought she was conning him. Clay gives Virgil the six checks he stole from Sovay. Virgil is again impressed. Clay starts trying to fix the the machinkus.

While Clay works, Lucinda and Virgil talk privately. It turns out Lucinda is Clay's mother and Virgil's long-ago-abandoned ex-wife. They agree not to tell Clay.

Jewel kicks Sovay out of her room and climbs into bed. She and Randy have magical sex, Randy is rescued, and Jewel and Randy patch things up.

Once Clay restores the machinkus he performs a transcendent shower of flim flam. Sovay is cured and slinks out. Griffy asks to be cured, to Virgil's surprise. She confesses to smashing the machinkus so she would always be attractive to Virgil. Virgil tells Griffy he was only after Sovay's money, which he now has. Virgil apologizes and Griffy forgives him.

Jewel and Randy reappear, beautifully moist. Clay announces that he can't conceal a secret any longer: last night he found himself tempted to make himself irresistible to Jewel, but his conscience won and he, too, smashed the machinkus.

====================================================

Okay, this is the weird card in my assemblage of successful synopses. I'm including it in this synopsis project precisely because it doesn't resemble the finished novel. Not even the title is the same--a version of this story became The Venus Machine (briefly) and then finally The Velvet Chair, which you can buy now in bookstores everywhere.

This was the second of two synopses I submitted to win a two-book contract. You can see the first synopsis (for The Brass Bed) at this permalink: http://smokingpigeon.livejournal.com/15603.html

Please note that for this synopsis, my agent and editor both said, "Uh, this Lucinda character--she's kind of a fifth wheel in this story, isn't she?" And I said, "Just wait, I'll make her fabulous, you'll love her."

Well, I wrote the book. I turned it in. They said (again) "Yanno, this character really isn't necessary." And dang me, but they were right. Soooooo... I deleted her. I still hope to put Lucinda to good use somewhere, somewhen. Oh well.

Also of interest, if you have read The Velvet Chair, you note that there are two antagonists who don't appear in this synopsis at all: Dr. Gustavus Adolphus Ketterfelto Kauz, and Mellish, the sinister butler. My editor said (with a studied casual tone) when she received the draft, "Hm, this mad scientist guy doesn't appear in the synopsis, does he?" And I replied in what I hoped was a sunny voice, "Nope." Fortunately she seemed to like Gussie Kauz much better than she liked Lucinda. She didn't comment on Mellish at all, possibly because I clocked him with a can of silver polish before he could make any real trouble.

What she didn't say, and I didn't have to remind her, was that editors are accustomed to getting books that disresemble the author's selling synopsis. If your delivery draft doesn't include the amazing sexy dragon villain you promised in your synopsis, it doesn't make the editor's job in-house any easier, if she has been (for example) talking up your amazing sexy dragon villain in interdepartmental meetings for the five months between her accepting the synopsis and you delivering the manuscript. However, they generally accept these authorial vagaries with grace.

Still, I don't suggest that you abuse the privilege.

If you enjoy reading about synopses that sold, you can visit the blogs of all the authors in this Synopsis Project at the following links (mostly) on September 19, 2008:

Alma Alexander (Will post on the 20th instead.)

Sam Butler

Diana Pharaoh Francis

Daryl Gregory

Simon Haynes

Jay Lake’s comments and his synopses

Kelly McCullough

Joshua Palmatier

Jeri Smith-Ready

Jennifer Stevenson

Edward Willett

testing

2008-09-14T21:42:20Z

Just deleted about 300 messages. Hoping I didn't wipe my journal.

Noah? It's the Lord, Noah

2008-09-14T19:15:57Z

Second solid day of rain. My basement is about an inch deep in some spots, nothing in others, and the good news is, it's still running down the drain instead of coming up. The back yard is awash. The front lawn is awash. There's three inches in the parkway. It's not supposed to stop for another four hours or so. Little birds flit around the front door, as if waiting for me to come out so they can cuss at me about the weather. I feel like apologizing, but really I didn't do it.

In Skokie, where they block the neighborhood sewer lines to keep the main sewers from backing up into basements, the neighborhood streets are four to five inches deep, right across the street.

Woof!

Or should I say Quack!

A virtual cookie to anybody who can identify the quote that's the title of this post.

THE QUERY PROJECT

2008-09-12T04:38:18Z

Okay, this is the Query Project, assembled courtesy of Joshua Palmatier. Below you will find a query letter I sent to an actual editor, and the result. Look well, O wolves, and learn!

_________________________________________________________________

Ms. Editor June 16, 2002
Major New York Publisher
New York, NY

Dear Ms. Editor,

I want to send you a single title romantic comedy, My Superhero,
complete at 100,000 words.

Four people in two bodies.
One wicked uncle.
Sex.
Spandex.
And the great debate over the decent thing to do.
MY SUPERHERO is a romantic comedy about two people in
disguise who find each other. A repressed corporate headhunter
meets a millionaire superhero on her windowledge, and becomes his
court-appointed shrink.
The hunk on Morgan Hardcastle's office windowledge is
wearing a cape! He's Decent Guy, the insidiously persuasive
alter-ego of Chad Younger, a happy-go-lucky, irresponsible
millionaire. He thinks Morgan is sexy, even if she does let her
mother pick on her too much. Morgan thinks he's a nut.
Caught between Chad's manipulations and her own tender
heart, Morgan becomes Chad's court-appointed counselor. If she
can't straighten him out in thirty days, his crabby uncle will
have Chad put away in a loony bin. Morgan is just a corporate
headhunter. She knows zip about psychology. But she has fallen
hard for Decent Guy. She wants to save him.
Decent Guy won't let Morgan help him until he discovers her
secret identity--supervillainess Morgan Le Fay, who avenges
hypocrisy. Now he's trying to fix her psyche by tackling her
libido! Her ethics forbid her to mess with a client. But Morgan
will have to strip herself naked in more ways than one before she
can find the key to Decent Guy.
These two masters of disguise peel away one another's masks
until nothing is left between them except decency--and love.

I am a member of RWA, Chicago-North Chapter, and of SFWA. My
short fiction has been published in science fiction mass market
anthologies.

I look forward to sending you a proposal or completed manuscript.

Enclosed please find also the first five pages.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Stevenson

email
phone
snail mail
SASE enclosed

_________________________________________________________________

What you should know about this query letter is that it, and my five pages, got me a request for the full manuscript by return mail. What you should also know is that the full MS wasn't nearly as good as the query or the first five pages! My story fell apart in the middle, as so many do. The editor was right to reject it.

Note, however, that the query letter reads like book jacket copy.

It begins with high concept.

The next paragraph is a one-paragraph expansion of the high concept--an elevator pitch.

The following paragraphs resemble a "selling synopsis"--they show the development of the story up until the "and then stuff happens" point and then finish with hand-waving and the promise of a happy ending.

I think it's significant to note, in retrospect, that I didn't have much more than hand-waving in the manuscript. If I had had a really solid story, then the mini-synopsis in the query would have shown more high points leading up to the climax, and the query might have been even stronger.

Credit is due to my RWA chapter, Chicago-North, for critiquing this query before it went out. They didn't have to read the whole book to fix the query. You can get and give this kind of help with your critique partners, too! It is ALWAYS easier for a friend to write your high concept stuff, and your back cover copy, if they have NOT read the whole manuscript. Their minds are not clouded with too many facts, as yours are.

_________________________________________________________________
Here are the permalinks for all the other writers participating in The Query Project. Check out what they have to offer on this important topic.

Paul Crilley

Chris Dolley

Diana Pharaoh Francis

Gregory Frost

Simon Haynes

Jackie Kessler

Glenda Larke

John Levitt

Joshua Palmatier

Janni Lee Simner

Maria V. Snyder

Jennifer Stevenson

Edward Willett

David J. Williams

Breaking news

2008-09-10T21:40:23Z

Long time no post. Some news.

COMING SOON! A new Joshua Parmetier writer's assist called THE QUERY PROJECT. You may remember THE SYNOPSIS PROJECT some months ago. September 12, Friday, a bunch of writers will post actual real query letters on their blogs, queries that got them noticed by editors or agents, which is the job of a query letter. Watch this space for my query letter and my discussion thereof, and for links to all the other participating authors' blogs.

Here's some book news about great books coming or recently released from great authors:

David Henry Sterry, MASTER OF CEREMONIES: A true story of love, murder, roller skates, and Chippendales. He wrote CHICKEN, a memoir about a young man for rent, which totally rocked. I'm looking forward to reading this. http://www.davidhenrysterry.com/

Ysabeau Wilce, FLORA'S DARE, sequel to FLORA SEGUNDA. Flora is Harry Potter for girls, but smarter, and totally wonderful. There will be a third Flora adventure! www.crackpothall.com

Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu, ZAHRAH THE WINDSEEKER and THE SHADOW SPEAKER. Fabulous Africa-set fantasy for girls, really gripping, with unforgettable smells and gut-real magic. http://www.nnedi.com/

Nalo Hopkinson, THE NEW MOON'S ARMS, an unforgettable book about mermen, menopause, and magic on a made-up Carribean island. http://www.nalohopkinson.com/

Lawrence Schimel, FAIRY TALES FOR WRITERS, a bunch of really silly poems about the craziness that is a writer's life. http://amidsummernightspress.typepad.com/

Blythe Gifford, INNOCENCE UNVEILED, a new medieval romance from Blythe, ook ook! Great history, great angst! Plus a next year comes a sequel to THE HARLOT'S DAUGHTER.

Patricia Rosemoor, THE LAST VAMPIRE, with Marc Paoletti. Definitely not a Rice-style New Orleans vampire--this one's scary, not cuddly!

Pamela Mordecai, PINK ICING, ass-kicking poetry. www.pamelamordecai.com

Coming but not out yet:

Hiromi Goto, HALF WORLD, out Jan/Feb 2009. Head-twisting, fever-dream fantasy. Nothing like it out there! See also her HOPEFUL MONSTERS collection from Arsenal Pulp Press.

Sherrill Bodine, TALK OF THE TOWN. A gossip columnist in Chicago takes on her publisher, hoo boy! Loaded with authentic Chicago society lifestyle details. http://www.sherrillbodine.com/blog/?p=2

Marilyn Brant, ACCORDING TO JANE, a fun contemporary story about a girl who hears Jane Austen talking to her in her head. http://www.marilynbrant.com/

techology woes

2008-08-25T18:19:23Z

Does everybody hate their iPod as much as I hate mine?

I've been trying to sync my iPod for about an hour and a half now.

This is supposed to be the easiest technology on the planet.

I hate it. I hate it so much.

The basic thing--putting songs on your iPod--IS NOT EXPLAINED anywhere in the little booklet you get when you buy it. Nor is it on the e-version of the booklet they so thoughtfully send you to when you go online screaming HELP HELP HELP.

What makes it extra special, of course, is the dire warning you get everywhere, from friends to the documentation to the screen messages, DO NOT UNPLUG YOUR IPOD! DO NOT DO IT! JUST DON'T!

So I'm not unplugging it.

This is the only reason it is not choking my toilet U-bend right now.

New skating pleasures

2008-08-10T11:02:50Z

So day before yesterday I tried out the Central Community Center (yes, that's its name, it's on Central Road) in Mount Prospect. They have a really big track for in-line hockey use. When I was there, on a Friday evening, there were two small kids pottering around for most of my hour-long skate. The floor is kinda weird, made of foot-square plastic tiles that are clearly easy to maintain--click in, click out--but they also, well, click. Every tile you skate over clicks. With four wheels per skate, I'm clicking a LOT. Took a bit of getting used to. It wasn't a really sticky floor, like a poured rubber floor, but it wasn't slick like hardwood either. They play girly hiphop, which was fun to skate to. Cost: $5.

Not as gorgeous a facility as the Lombard Roller Rink, but a lot closer to me. I give it an 8.5. It'll certainly do when winter comes and I can't skate outdoors.

Something I noticed was that, with no one else in the room, I didn't push myself as hard as I do at derby practice, or at Lombard (often crowded), or outdoors. The outdoor skates are often the most testing, because I don't turn around until a preset point, and if I'm tired by the time I get halfway there, the trip back to the car is the "push yourself" segment.

Later today, we practice on a hardwood floor. Ook!

More RWA & SFO con report

2008-08-07T16:22:45Z

So I'm sitting in the 'internet cafe' portion of the Marriott bar when I see out of the corner of my eye these red shoes going by. Tell me if you think they'd turn your head, too. Plus, the red dress on top of 'em.



Denise Rossetti, Australian author of Extremely Hot Romance, and her red shoes.

Now that I have your attention, here's some sea lions we saw off Fisherman's Wharf. They made an ungodly noise, too, which I tried to record--on my PHONE, did you know your PHONE can do this? I was stunned & thrilled--and if it works I'll upload it here.



Hm, I don't see quite how to do the sound yet. Will dig around.

Also, near our hotel is this lovely doorway to the James Bong Building (I am not making this up).

And finally a school of anchovies making anchovy tornadoes. Extremely cool.

The still photo doesn't begin to show how cool it is to see them whirling around you--literally around you, because the aquarium is a tube lying underneath the tanks, and the wild things swim over you and around you on all sides except the floor. Other animals in the exhibit include three or four kinds of sharks, couple of rays, some flat fish, white sturgeon, I forget what else. You can also pet the sea slugs, sea urchins, and starfish in a separate exhibit. Enlightening, but cold. These are cold-water creatures.

Speaking of sea slugs, apparently there are some amazingly beautiful sea snails, very tiny, down at the bottom of the darkest trenches.

post-RWA prostration

2008-08-06T12:59:29Z

Well, that was exhausting. Let's do that again, like, next year. ecause there's a ton of work staring me in the face. Plus, derby practice last night was low-key and I'm still toast.

Things you might quite like to know about the RWA National Conference:

It's run by paid staff of Romance Writers of America. There are ten of them, and I think all but one luckless soul get to go work the con.

We get continental breakfast every morning including tasty bread-type carbs, classy fruit, and even classier cheeses. The San Francisco Marriott worked hard to keep us happy, foodwise.

I thought the bar overpriced until I went to other bars in the area. Hoo boy! SFO is a fabulous, fabulous town, but its main income source is tourism. Bend over and reach for your wallet. On the up side, it isn't Dallas, particularly Dallas in late July, which pleasure we enjoyed twice in recent years.

Pretty much every program event has real content in it. No one ever says, "I don't know why I'm on this panel." Ever.

The parties are goooood.

There are so many women that I forget to think in certain ways, and when a man does walk by, I catch myself frowning in puzzlement, like, where did that come from? Talking Heads noted that the girls want to be with the girls.  This week at least that is entirely the case.

My favorite event for sheer volume of signal to noise was, I think, Bob Levine of Grand Central Publishing (formerly Warner) talking about a day in the life of a sales rep. Takeaway points new to me:
A high-level sales rep such as himself (who handles all mass merch and paperback) looks at the internet all day, consulting point-of-sale sales reporting sites from major accounts, sometimes hourly.
A ditto (at least at Grand Central) attends and participates heavily in acquisition meetings--where they decide whether to buy a specific manuscript--and works up a pre-meeting report based on stuff like, wait for it, an author's website.
Sales has progress meetings on how well the current list is doing. These guys remember every nickel every book in history has ever earned, what the advance was, how quickly it earned out, when it was remaindered, and other such dirty-laundry details that authors are hazy about

More random information of a writerly nature:

Greg Frost gets interviewed at wyrdsmiths.

MJ Rose is blogging at Ninc today.

There's a new issue of IROSF out.

My friend Marilyn Brant sold her first book, ACCORDING TO JANE.

RWA San Francisco

2008-08-02T23:32:28Z

So here I am with 1800 mojito-swilling, pink-sweater-set-sporting, pear-neckleted romance authors, AND LOVING IT!

The Rita Awards are tonight. For you sfnal types, this is our Nebs weekend and World Fantasy Convention rolled into one. Only it lasts longer, the drinks are better and more frequent (and more often paid for by publishers), and the girls get to use the men's rooms, wherever they've managed to tape over the word MEN and put plastic flowers in the urinals.

Plus the Harlequin party. I was invited to attend this party by a Harlequin author with 84 books to her name, most of them HQ titles, and the Senior VP of Everything confirmed my acceptability as a guest, so I DID NOT CRASH. However, I ate as much as your average crasher. I also danced for hours and hours until Legba departed, leaving my body a broken, lamed thing. What a blast. It was good to see so many dignified professionals getting down with their bad selves.

The massive literacy signing, which this year featured over 600 authors and collected over $50,000 for adult literacy programs, had many features of interest. I sat next to Susan Stephens, who was giving away Flake candybars (totally eclipsing my pallid Dove snackies) and offering her latest sheikh romances. I scored three of these for my friend Helen, who lusts for sheikhs, fictional ones that is. Also loaded up on books for my niece.

Here's Sherill Bodine, looking svelte in (another) designer original. Her new book Talk of the Town comes out in December. Best shoes on a book cover for 2008, I guarantee it.

Then this afternoon I signed books at the Ballantine signing. That was cool, but exhausting. Mary Jo Putney sat next to me, which was even cooler.

oracne and I did drinks at some point--that was a little fuzzy--and today we had Mexican at some chi-chi Westfield type mall on Market St.

Tomorrow I'll probably play tourist. Patricia Rosemoor wants to hit the aquarium and look at seals, which appeals to me. Are there any ravens in the area? Any suggestions?

physical culture

2008-07-27T02:43:15Z

I would never in a skillion, berjillion years have thought, twenty years ago, that today I would call myself an athlete. Is one an athlete if one does pushups, planks, situps, leglifts, and strength training every day, plus swim every day? Ride horses twice a week and do roller derby twice a week / skate outdoors once or twice a week? Or is that just the average American's BTU output?

Maybe I've fallen into a threshing machine and a changeling took my place and I didn't notice.

I actually enjoy the pushups. This is proof I'm a changeling.

It's kind of cool to wake up and feel stiff, as if I were wearing very tight spandex body armor over my upper arms and shoulders and back.

I do a fair amount of stretches every day before the morning's exercises. Thank goodness for Pominatrix and Queen B and Poppy Z Frite teaching us stretches and The Derby Asana. The quads pish and moan at first, but then they thank me.

Also, from a single aqua-cize class I took at the Y early this summer, I learned this thing called "wringing out the washrag" where you stretch the arms out like an airplane, then twist the left hand up, the right hand down, looking right. Then look left. Then twist the hands in the opposite directions. This "wrings" the muscles all along the arms and upper back. Delicious!

Oo, I just did it again, to test-drive my instructions above. Mmmm!

If you have a favorite stretch, I'd love to hear about it. Between skating and horse riding, I'm stiff from here to there.

A fresh pleasure! A fresh pleasure!

2008-07-25T23:47:16Z

Books I'm slobbering over this week:

Wolf Tales VI, from Kate Douglas, the woman who brings you so many, many hot guy-wolf-on-guy-wolf scenes
Sorcery and the Single Girl, by Mindy Klasky, the continuing story of Jane Madison, a librarian who has serious fun
Innocence Unveiled, the newest medieval by Blythe Gifford, her historically realistic medievals are three-hanky jobs
The Last Vampire, Patricia Rosemoor, with some genuinely new and weird ideas about vampires (the bad kind)

More to come. I'm too busy reading to post right now.

resale heaven

2008-07-16T13:02:25Z

Ever since I lost all that weight, I've become this total resale junkie.  The reasoning goes, I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe, lose another twenty pounds or five inches, and then have to get rid of all the new stuff.  Resale gives me a shot at clothes in a much higher label- and price-bracket than I could ordinarily afford, allows me to try out new styles for wash- and live-ability, and relieves me of guilt if the garment doesn't work out.

The north side of Chicago is loaded with great resale, as is tne north shore suburban scene. Monday I was out in Crystal Lake and hit two I hadn't seen. I'm sorry to say I don't remember the name of the first one. It was an indie, too, and its name was something simple like THRIFT. On Northwest Highway, waaaaay out there, in a strip mall. They had a t-shirt that goes well with my schmantzy new black & rhinestone harlquin glasses, and (finally found!) a belt with buckle bling ditto. They were kind enough to send me over to On Angels Wings, which is I think in the neighborhood of 31 on Northwest Highway.

On Angels Wings benefits domestic animals in trouble in some way that I'm afraid I spaced, due to drooling over the stuff. Bought a pair of nice shoes for a dollar.   Saw a leather jacket for forty that matched my new glasses--probably won't commit that sin. However, I do not yet have a leather jacket. I'm just sayin'.

I believe it's Ellen Kushner who says that Your Leather Jacket Will Find You. Maybe it has and I've walked away. Wouldn't that be tragic?

While I'm bragging on the area resale shops, let me plug Unique Thrift, which has locations all over Chicago. They're very clean and cheap, their stuff is always in good condition, they rack all clothes by garment type and color, and they have bitchin' sales. Many's the time I've gone in there with twenty bucks in my kick and gone nuts, calculating my spending to the penny...only to find that it's half-price day on the green tags, or whatever, and I walk out with money in my pocket.

Windy City All Stars vs. Tucson Saddle Tramps

2008-07-13T04:45:15Z

Well, that was a two-peat. Windy City whupped Tucson 138 to 14. Once again the visitors were no match for Chicago's highly-coordinated defense and speedjamming. I had expected a more even contest, as this team whupped Madison about as badly as Chicago did, and Tucson has been rated #6 to Chicago's #7. Didn't happen.

The Tucson skaters didn't seem to be as, well, as fit as Chicago's. Just not as trained-up, buff, what-have-you. One factor that a Derby Liter suggested might play into the mix is that the Cicero Stadium floor is "sticky," i.e. a poured rubber or composite floor that feels literally a little tacky to one's skates. The Saddle Tramps, if they have been accustomed to skating on a wood floor, would have found ours to be a nasty surprise. This would account for them skating slowly and seeming to be winded very early in the bout. They have my sympathy; Derby Lite's new autumn space has a sticky poured rubber floor, and we have all experienced next-level distress trying to skate up to our usual speed on it.

I've got a picture of the victory lap in my phone. Which is downstairs. Not goin' down there for it now.

Strange charm of Judd Apatow movies

2008-07-10T02:50:44Z

I find I have three Apatow films on the premises: Knocked Up, Superbad, and The Forty Year Old Virgin. I find I'm watching them semi-obsessively. There's something in them, the tone, that fascinates me.

They're all about male bonding, for one thing. Alien rituals &c. In spite of or probably actually because of the intense dumbass machismo language that ought to offend me, I find that his male characters have a kind of feminine quality that appeals to me.

Having a hard time pinning it down, though.

Now call me crazy.

iPod works!

2008-07-03T12:51:35Z

Spousal unit A fixed it. Now I'll be able to listen to all those mp3 recordings of RWA Nationals gone by! I had one of the disc-shaped players that has to go through the tape deck in your car, but the tape adapter keeps dying. I hate paying over and over to replace those.

Does anybody have a suggestion about a small amp system I can buy to stick the iPod into? I'm not ready to take the car in to have an mp3 player installed in the sound system. Unless those are really cheap. (hah!) I picture something like a really small boom box that can sit on the passenger seat next to me, and live behind the seat out of sight of window-smashing junkies when I'm not using it.

Or maybe I'm so out of touch that there's a whole different technology I can use.

I just don't want to drive with earbuds in. It's too easy for me to zone out that way. Dangerous.

He also bought me a Sony Vaio SZ, very light, very cute, and he's configuring it for me now. Woohoo!

cat worries

2008-06-24T13:29:13Z

Had a scare yesterday. Linus, the formerly fat boy, has been losing muscle in the groin / lower back area, often a sign of kidney failure, and we took him in, fearing the worst. The vet says however that all his other signs look good. It might be hyperthyroid. So we're sweating it out til Weds when the mini-blood-panel test returns come.

I've been running so darned hard, trying to keep up with laundry and groceries and this book launch, and oh yeah, writing more books, that I was trying to pretend I could handle it. Fell apart after I got the good news. (At least the prelim good news; there's always room for bad news I suppose, isn't there?) Linus seems perky and untroubled by his adventure.

This has been a source of low-level worry for weeks. He's lost enough weight that i can pick him up comfortably. At one time he weighed 22 pounds! We put him on the Catkins Diet (no kibble, just canned) for a couple of months and he got down to 17. That was healthy. But now he's down to 12.5. You can see why I worried.

I think hyperthyroid is easier to treat than kidney disease, no?

So, temporarily, *phew!*

unseasonably cool

2008-06-23T01:52:09Z

We continue here in the Chicago suburbs to compete for Community Most Likely To Have To Build An Ark; today it was thunderstorms mixed with violent rain, pea-sized hail, and occasional brilliant sunshine. Undoubtedly somewhere there was a rainbow, but I was too busy coming back from derby practice in the Land Beyond O'Hare, navigating the videogame that is the Chicago expressway system under construction, to look for it.

The catalpa trees are in bloom, which smell a bit rotton but look pretty. The mulberry trees are fruiting, making the sidewalks slippery and blue. Bunnies dot the heath, along with skunks, possums, and various bird life such as boat tail grackles, four kinds of sparrows, red winged blackbirds, tuxedo gulls, purple finchs (whose heads are not purple to my eye but a nice coral color), mourning doves, crows, jays, cardinals, starlings, cormorants, mallards, great egrets, and great blue herons. I continue to spot more deer than ever before, which means either that my eye is improving (doubtful) or that deer are more numerous this year. We saw a buck yesterday, all horns and legs. Very elegant.

The Cubs are whupping White Sox heinie in the crosstown series. Chicagoans nervously inspect the heavens for other millenial signage.

And spousal unit A just spent ten minutes trying to explain to me that if we open all the windows, the 86% humid cool air outside will mingle with the 45% humid warm air indoors to make something more bearable. To him, maybe. There was a lot of fol-lol about dew point and relative humidity but the upshot is, it's clammy as heck out there, and not so bad indoors yet. Nevertheless, the windows are open. This is how a person stays married for 30+ years.

A lovely Sunday evening near the summer solstice.

May you all be having such a lovely evening!

I'm signing in Oak Brook Illinois June 24

2008-06-18T05:00:34Z

Yet another advertisement for my last signing of the summer, next Tuesday a week from today, celebrating the release of the final book in my new trilogy, THE BEARSKIN RUG.

June 24, 2008
7:30pm
Oak Brook Borders
http://www.bordersstores.com/events/events.jsp?view=1&storeID=20
1500 16th Street, Suite D
Oak Brook, IL 60523
Phone: 630.574.0800

I'll be reading from the new book and signing all three books in the trilogy: THE BRASS BED, THE VELVET CHAIR, and THE BEARSKIN RUG. Customers who buy a book get to put a notch in my brass bedpost!

chocolate! tasteful yet entertaining smut! comedy!