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Okay, this is the Query Project, assembled courtesy of Joshua Palmatier. Below you will find a query letter I sent to an actual editor, and the result. Look well, O wolves, and learn!
________________________________________
Ms. Editor June 16, 2002
Major New York Publisher
New York, NY
Dear Ms. Editor,
I want to send you a single title romantic comedy, My Superhero,
complete at 100,000 words.
Four people in two bodies.
One wicked uncle.
Sex.
Spandex.
And the great debate over the decent thing to do.
MY SUPERHERO is a romantic comedy about two people in
disguise who find each other. A repressed corporate headhunter
meets a millionaire superhero on her windowledge, and becomes his
court-appointed shrink.
The hunk on Morgan Hardcastle's office windowledge is
wearing a cape! He's Decent Guy, the insidiously persuasive
alter-ego of Chad Younger, a happy-go-lucky, irresponsible
millionaire. He thinks Morgan is sexy, even if she does let her
mother pick on her too much. Morgan thinks he's a nut.
Caught between Chad's manipulations and her own tender
heart, Morgan becomes Chad's court-appointed counselor. If she
can't straighten him out in thirty days, his crabby uncle will
have Chad put away in a loony bin. Morgan is just a corporate
headhunter. She knows zip about psychology. But she has fallen
hard for Decent Guy. She wants to save him.
Decent Guy won't let Morgan help him until he discovers her
secret identity--supervillainess Morgan Le Fay, who avenges
hypocrisy. Now he's trying to fix her psyche by tackling her
libido! Her ethics forbid her to mess with a client. But Morgan
will have to strip herself naked in more ways than one before she
can find the key to Decent Guy.
These two masters of disguise peel away one another's masks
until nothing is left between them except decency--and love.
I am a member of RWA, Chicago-North Chapter, and of SFWA. My
short fiction has been published in science fiction mass market
anthologies.
I look forward to sending you a proposal or completed manuscript.
Enclosed please find also the first five pages.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Stevenson
email
phone
snail mail
SASE enclosed
________________________________________
What you should know about this query letter is that it, and my five pages, got me a request for the full manuscript by return mail. What you should also know is that the full MS wasn't nearly as good as the query or the first five pages! My story fell apart in the middle, as so many do. The editor was right to reject it.
Note, however, that the query letter reads like book jacket copy.
It begins with high concept.
The next paragraph is a one-paragraph expansion of the high concept--an elevator pitch.
The following paragraphs resemble a "selling synopsis"--they show the development of the story up until the "and then stuff happens" point and then finish with hand-waving and the promise of a happy ending.
I think it's significant to note, in retrospect, that I didn't have much more than hand-waving in the manuscript. If I had had a really solid story, then the mini-synopsis in the query would have shown more high points leading up to the climax, and the query might have been even stronger.
Credit is due to my RWA chapter, Chicago-North, for critiquing this query before it went out. They didn't have to read the whole book to fix the query. You can get and give this kind of help with your critique partners, too! It is ALWAYS easier for a friend to write your high concept stuff, and your back cover copy, if they have NOT read the whole manuscript. Their minds are not clouded with too many facts, as yours are.
________________________________________
Here are the permalinks for all the other writers participating in The Query Project. Check out what they have to offer on this important topic.
Paul Crilley
Chris Dolley
Diana Pharaoh Francis
Gregory Frost
Simon Haynes
Jackie Kessler
Glenda Larke
John Levitt
Joshua Palmatier
Janni Lee Simner
Maria V. Snyder
Jennifer Stevenson
Edward Willett
David J. Williams
________________________________________
Ms. Editor June 16, 2002
Major New York Publisher
New York, NY
Dear Ms. Editor,
I want to send you a single title romantic comedy, My Superhero,
complete at 100,000 words.
Four people in two bodies.
One wicked uncle.
Sex.
Spandex.
And the great debate over the decent thing to do.
MY SUPERHERO is a romantic comedy about two people in
disguise who find each other. A repressed corporate headhunter
meets a millionaire superhero on her windowledge, and becomes his
court-appointed shrink.
The hunk on Morgan Hardcastle's office windowledge is
wearing a cape! He's Decent Guy, the insidiously persuasive
alter-ego of Chad Younger, a happy-go-lucky, irresponsible
millionaire. He thinks Morgan is sexy, even if she does let her
mother pick on her too much. Morgan thinks he's a nut.
Caught between Chad's manipulations and her own tender
heart, Morgan becomes Chad's court-appointed counselor. If she
can't straighten him out in thirty days, his crabby uncle will
have Chad put away in a loony bin. Morgan is just a corporate
headhunter. She knows zip about psychology. But she has fallen
hard for Decent Guy. She wants to save him.
Decent Guy won't let Morgan help him until he discovers her
secret identity--supervillainess Morgan Le Fay, who avenges
hypocrisy. Now he's trying to fix her psyche by tackling her
libido! Her ethics forbid her to mess with a client. But Morgan
will have to strip herself naked in more ways than one before she
can find the key to Decent Guy.
These two masters of disguise peel away one another's masks
until nothing is left between them except decency--and love.
I am a member of RWA, Chicago-North Chapter, and of SFWA. My
short fiction has been published in science fiction mass market
anthologies.
I look forward to sending you a proposal or completed manuscript.
Enclosed please find also the first five pages.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Stevenson
phone
snail mail
SASE enclosed
________________________________________
What you should know about this query letter is that it, and my five pages, got me a request for the full manuscript by return mail. What you should also know is that the full MS wasn't nearly as good as the query or the first five pages! My story fell apart in the middle, as so many do. The editor was right to reject it.
Note, however, that the query letter reads like book jacket copy.
It begins with high concept.
The next paragraph is a one-paragraph expansion of the high concept--an elevator pitch.
The following paragraphs resemble a "selling synopsis"--they show the development of the story up until the "and then stuff happens" point and then finish with hand-waving and the promise of a happy ending.
I think it's significant to note, in retrospect, that I didn't have much more than hand-waving in the manuscript. If I had had a really solid story, then the mini-synopsis in the query would have shown more high points leading up to the climax, and the query might have been even stronger.
Credit is due to my RWA chapter, Chicago-North, for critiquing this query before it went out. They didn't have to read the whole book to fix the query. You can get and give this kind of help with your critique partners, too! It is ALWAYS easier for a friend to write your high concept stuff, and your back cover copy, if they have NOT read the whole manuscript. Their minds are not clouded with too many facts, as yours are.
________________________________________
Here are the permalinks for all the other writers participating in The Query Project. Check out what they have to offer on this important topic.
Paul Crilley
Chris Dolley
Diana Pharaoh Francis
Gregory Frost
Simon Haynes
Jackie Kessler
Glenda Larke
John Levitt
Joshua Palmatier
Janni Lee Simner
Maria V. Snyder
Jennifer Stevenson
Edward Willett
David J. Williams
